Anyone can do a baptism of water and at least one baptism of water is required for you to be considered a gnostic in our church. This is the religion's easy mode. Salvation is both universal and inevitable so don't stress it too much. We are also the only church I know of that will offer "remote water baptisms" over the internet (be prepared to splash your own face with cold water). More on that later.
But this religion has an optional hard mode "for the players" and that is to perform rites of The Baptism of Fire! 🔥
The gnostic shall committ three years of their life to emulate the ministry of Jesus.
First you will find two.
Then two more.
Then your fifth.
Your fifth finds your sixth.
Then your six find one more each. Boom, you have twelve!
Now you have to hold it together for the remainder of the three years and:
Guide the blind. (Luke 7:22)
Carry the injured. (Luke 7:22)
Learn sign language so the Deaf can hear you. (Luke 7:22)
Honor the dead. (Luke 7:22)
Bring good news to the poor with food and water. (Luke 7:22, but I had to add that part about actually feeding people WTF?)
On the last Thursday before the third Good Friday you must share a supper with your twelve.
Their plates will have food.
Yours will have the heroic dose (5g) of the golden teacher (psilocybe cubensis). 🍄
You must break the caps off the stems and say, “Take and eat; this is my body, the vessel of Wisdom. Whoever eats with understanding will see as I see.” and then take a cup of fresh, living water and say, “This is the fountain of Wisdom, which flows freely for those who seek. Whoever drinks, let them thirst no more, for the water of life is within them.”
Now eat the plate clean.
Before the supper, your twelve will decide who gets to be "the betrayer".
After supper, you will be kissed on the cheek by your "betrayer," and your "betrayer" will lead you to a known safe place of solitary confinement (like your bedroom) where you will remain for 72 hours with only water, a toilet and an emergency line of communication to your "betrayer".
After 72 hours you shall emerge from your place of solitary confinement where your twelve, your minister, and whoever else you wish to be there will be there waiting for you to emerge from your tomb.
The minister shall ceremoniously "brand" with "fire" your right earlobe with a mark of accomplishment.
You have completed The Baptism of Fire.
If one of your twelve abandon your ministry? Start over.
🍄 No exceptions. It's hard mode. What were you thinking an exception would be made for you?